


To water the garden

by eyeslikerain



Category: Maurice (1987), Maurice - E. M. Forster
Genre: Bye Plato!, Clive being Clive initially, Clive's POV, M/M, Unresolved Sexual Tension, but only initially, living together - sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-04-24 14:00:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14356947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eyeslikerain/pseuds/eyeslikerain
Summary: „Sleep with me, Clive. Let‘s unite like true lovers do. You want it also.“„Now? It‘s Thursday morning!“





	1. To water the garden

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 18: "During the next two years Maurice and Clive had as much happiness as men under that star can expect. (...) If Maurice made love it was Clive who preserved it, and caused it's rivers to water the garden."
> 
> Some stories taking place between 1911 and 1912

Looking back, I cannot recall when exactly Maurice and me started this peculiar habit of sharing a bed. There was a time of blurred transition when travelling in Italy. More than once, we had been forced to share a „matrimoniale“, and it happened thus that we got comfortable with the idea of being close to each other at night. I guess the first deliberate time we did so in my London apartment was on a rainy November night – at least this is the occasion I remember most vividly. The performance of the „Pathétique“ we had attended had left me devastated and confronted with my excruciating internal struggles, expressed so heartbreakingly in the music. The cold, damp weather and the fact that we had to wait rather long for a taxi after the concert left me miserable and needy. I was desperate for warmth and the soothing closeness of a human body beside mine. So it seemed only natural to ask Maurice if we could sleep in one bed. He obliged, always too willingly, poor soul. 

But he had enough self esteem not to initiate those shared nights. He knew his position as a guest very well. It was either me taking his hand tenderly after he had opened my cufflinks and undone my tie in front of my bedroom door, or me knocking on his door when I could be certain not to surprise him in an indecent state of undressing. We never saw each other naked, nor did we touch more than we had earlier consented to. Granted, this involved the occasional chaste kiss, even holding each other in the night, but never any deliberate wrong-going of the unspeakable sort.

 

 

It was rather surprising how a night in late spring turned out. It was an occasion when I had asked before retiring already if I could come to him. I felt hopeless and spent this evening. The amount of studies for my bar exam seemed to increase with every chapter I had finished, and I felt discouraged if I would ever make it. On top of it, I accompanied a nasty case at court which left me insecure if I could take the look into human abysses for my whole life. My shoulders ached, my back hurt, and all I needed was Maurice beside me, helping me to forget all my worries. 

As soon as I settled down beside him, I felt my body relax and sink deep into the mattress. The pressure on my shoulders ceased and I felt my limbs grow mellow and easy. I sighed and searched for Maurice‘s hand. He smiled, a bit melancholy and concerned, but gave my hand a quick peck before turning out the light and gliding nearer to me. I was so exhausted, I must have slipped off into dreams a few seconds after lying down. The last thing I realized was the soft ticking sound of rain on the windowpane.

 

 

It rained still when I woke up in the dark. I had no idea how long I had slept, but my back hurt suddenly even more than before. I tried to turn as quietly as possible as not to wake Maurice, but I soon felt his eyes on me, the white shining in the dim bedroom:

„Are you all right?“, he mumbled sleepily. „Need anything? You groaned...“

„Sorry for waking you. Go back to sleep.“

„I say, what is it?“ He looked at me. I turned onto my back and tried to stretch myself a bit but stopped abruptely when a new sharp pain shot into my back.

„It‘s just – I don‘t know, it‘s silly, but my back hurts. Sitting too much at my desk, I guess.“

„Where does it hurt?“

„Down my spine, you know, lower back.“

„Let me see. May I?“

„How do you mean, see?“

„Feel with my fingers. Tell me where. Turn onto your stomach.“

„No, Maurice! It‘s all right. It‘s really not that bad.“

„But it woke you up. Come on, Clive, darling. I can see the thoughts racing in your head. I‘m not making a pass at you. I‘m practically sleeping.“

A lamp on the street offered the little light we had in the room. We looked at each other. I didn‘t know how to lie anymore because of the sharp pain and sighed once more.

„Don‘t be silly. Turn on your side, your back to me.“

I did as he told me, with less difficulty than I had feared. The new position was better, and somehow, everything was better at once as soon as I felt his hand on my shoulder.

„Down your back, it is?“, Maurice asked.

I nodded, and, unsure if he had seen it in the dark, mumbled: „Yes.“

His hand wandered slowly and cautiously down my back, creating unwelcome goosebumps on my arms. How good it felt to be touched. And Maurice did it so lightly and so matter-of-factly that I slowly let go of my fears. When he arrived at the awkward spot, I groaned:

„There you go.“

He laid his warm flat hand onto the end of my spine. The heat alone felt soothing, as well as his tender touch.

„That would be your spinal disc. It‘s a weak spot in most people working mainly sitting at a desk. Does it hurt when I look further, like here? Or here?“

„No, it‘s fine. It hurts, but your hand feels good.“

Maurice sighed softly: 

„Poor dear. Usually, when there is pain inside here, one starts to move awkward to avoid more pain. That‘s why the muscles tighten. Like you have here. And here. I will massage them a bit, all right?“

„Isn‘t that – uncomfortable for you? Strange, somehow?“

„Clive“, he said, sounding disappointed. He kissed my cheek, light and quick, like a tiny bird. „Besides, we do this all the time at the gym. On each other, I mean. We are not the sort of fancy gym that employs experts to massage the athletes, so whenever something hurts, we tend to each other.“

„Really? You – you touch each other? You touch other men?“

„Yes. Did you never?“

I shook my head again, indulging in his warm fingers on my pyjama.

„Of course, never like that. I mean, all alone, in the dark.“ He laughed a little. „It‘s just, you know, everyone changes, or washes, and talks and chatters, and you look for a quiet spot to sit or lie down to attend to a fellow. No big deal.“

He started to gently knead my really low back. My buttocks, rather. But it felt too good to protest.

„And do you ever have, ahm, unwelcome feelings?“

Maurice chuckled:

„Unwelcome is a question of perspective, isn‘t it? But I know what you mean. No, not there. Definitely not. It‘s rather, you know, very interesting to feel muscles, and joints, and bones, to learn more about your body, to know when you overdid training. I learn an awful lot by helping others on how to be good to my own body.“

„I guess I never learned that.“

„Never too late to start.“

He gave me a delicious circular stroke with his knuckles. I felt so much better already but wanted to get more of him.

„Think I will turn onto my stomach, if you don‘t mind?“

„Just see if you can – if it doesn‘t hurt more?“

I was able to turn around and relax. We faced each other, and Maurice asked:

„Do you want me to go on?“

„If you don‘t mind… It feels really good.“

„Would you mind if I go under your pyjama?“

I swallowed. How could he ask something like that so completely innocent and unconcerned? As he still waited, I nodded very slowly and said:

„If you think that‘s better...“

„Mmh, I guess so. Tell me if you like it more.“

When he smoothed his whole big, warm hand gently onto the crucial spot, it felt so delicious that I couldn‘t but moan.

„Did I hurt you?“, he asked concerned.

„No. No. It‘s just – too good to be true. Please don‘t stop.“

He smirked and started to stroke the whole of my lower back, kneading skin and muscles tenderly up to my sides, back again to the hurting middle, up my spine, even down my spine and under the waistband of my bottoms, all the while holding my gaze. I felt so peaceful, so relaxed, that I closed my eyes. I was certain Maurice wouldn‘t transgress the boundaries we had set, even if he was theoretically on dangerous grounds. Now how would this sound in court? „Did the accused have his fingers in your pants and on your bare bum?“ No, no thoughts of work. And law. And everything forbidden. Maurice‘s touch was gentle and innocent. I certainly could feel that he didn‘t loathe this job as he stroked and massaged me so deliciously slow and loving. But there was nothing nasty or sordid in it, and the pureness of his friendship allowed me to indulge in his fingers on me.

 

 

Maurice was patient and loving, but after some minutes I felt his hand go slower, the circles on my skin getting lazier and messier. When I looked at him, I saw that his eyes were closed. He looked peaceful and innocent and was obviously slipping back into sleep. Suddenly, he jerked, opened his eyes wide and muttered:

„I want to be in a balloon with you. A china blue balloon with golden ribbons. I want to fly through the clouds with you… See the stars from above...“

I nodded. My back didn‘t hurt anymore when I listened to his tranquil breathing.

 

 

I woke early, in dim, still gray morning light and to the sound of steady rain. I had one arm around Maurice and my nose buried in his neck. With a flash of embarrassment, I remembered in what physical closeness we had fallen asleep. As if to mock me, my body reacted in it‘s very own, wicked way and I tried to get away from Maurice before he felt my erection. I was almost out of bed when he stirred and turned. I stopped, hunched over as to conceal my tented trousers and crept to the door.

„Morning, Clive“, he whispered.

„Morning. Go back to sleep, I have an early meeting. Have a nice day.“

„Clive – how are you? You look so twisted. Is it your back again?“ He gazed at me with large blue eyes, concerned and kind. I turned to the door:

„No, I‘m fine. Go to sleep. Bye.“

I wouldn‘t have needed to look back to know that I hurt him. I felt his pained gaze between my shoulderblades when I closed the door quickly.

 

In the bathroom, I regretted my curtness. Maurice had been so good to me, had sacrificed his own sleep because I was in need. And I behaved beastly out of fear, feigned a meeting I didn‘t have in order not to look into those blue eyes. I almost couldn‘t bear it to look at my face. When I did, seeing my frowning forehead and strained look, I knew I had to make up for it. As soon as possible. 

 

Maurice‘s bedroom door stood open when I had finally dressed and went to apologize, the bed crumpled and empty. I found him in the kitchen, watching the tea kettle intently, avoiding my eyes. When I didn‘t move, he turned his head and said tonelessly:

„Have a nice day too.“

„Maurice.“ I stepped into the gray kitchen. „I have hurt you. I‘m sorry.“

„Yes. You did. You fled as if I had – plague, or cholera. Did I do anything wrong?“

„No. Quite the contrary.“

He looked at me askingly.

„You were so kind to me. Oh god, Maurice, I feel awful. You were kind and helpful, and I was – scared that you meant… That you thought we‘d… I cannot tell you what I was scared of, but it was huge.“

Maurice glared at me expressionless. The rain drizzled and dribbled in front of the window. The dim back courtyard looked even more hopeless than usual.

„We were close last night. I – enjoyed it, sorry if this increases your panic. I felt close to you, and I was open and vulnerable. Your reaction did sting somewhat bad.“

„Oh dear. I‘m truly sorry.“ I took one more step towards him. Our eyes locked. I saw longing and despair in his gaze.

„I felt – close to you too. It was – like a state between being awake and dreaming. Like becoming one. I have never been touched like that before.“ He shrugged his shoulders, as if he wanted to say: you could have had it all the time. I had rarely seen him this depressed. The kettle started to whistle. Maurice turned off the stove without caring about the water. 

I went to him and laid my head silently onto his shoulder. He was still leaning on the sideboard, not moving, not welcoming me into his arms. Until I slowly let my hands wander over his back and pulled him to me. He hugged me, cautiously and still distant, but got up and came closer.

„I‘m standing in my own way. Sorry you are suffering because of me.“

„You really do. Clive, darling – we could be so happy.“

„We are happy, aren‘t we?“

He looked at me, thoughtfully:

„Are you?“

„Why, yes, of course. I love our domestic arrangement. I love having you here. Cannot imagine what the apartment and my life would like be without you. It would be dreary and sad.“

He was still silent.

„It‘s almost like being married, isn‘t it? Without all the nuisance married life brings with it!“, I tried to cheer him up.

„Connubial pleasures, you mean?“

I felt my cheeks turn hot. Tension hung between us for two, three heartbeats when he suddenly grabbed my arms violently and almost cried: 

„Sleep with me, Clive. Let‘s unite like true lovers do. You want it also.“

„Now? It‘s Thursday morning!“

„Oh, a new argument. Thank you.“ He held me firmly. I felt his fingers claw into my arms. „I mean it. Why do you deny yourself so much?“ His face came closer and I couldn‘t escape his intense eyes. I put my hands onto his, trying to free myself.

„Maurice. We talked about this...“

„You talked. Do you think me disgusting? Ugly?“

„No! Dear, you are the most beautiful man I know. Your beauty deeply affects me. And you know that I‘m attracted to you. Much more than I should be.“ I tried to stroke his tense hands. I swallowed and felt my heart in my throat: 

„If I ever should sleep with a man, it will be you.“

He relaxed and leant back onto the board.

„And last night – that was a very sensual experience. It could easily have turned into something - different, I guess.“

He looked at me expectantly.

„But we can‘t.“

„Why? And don‘t say we covered this already. Look here. Clive, listen. We practically live together here on four days of the week. Our families know. Your housekeeper knows. Why can‘t we take it further? Nobody needs to know that, and nobody will find out, but – it feels almost as if they had accepted us as a couple.“

„There you are mistaken. Unless you can give my mother the heir she desires?“

„Don‘t be vulgar.“

I sighed, growing impatient by the futile discussion. Maurice gave it another try:

„You said yourself we were close last night. And that you liked it. How about we do it only at night, in this in-between-state you mentioned? And we get up, and you can forget all about it because it‘s just our nocturnal secret? And we go on living as usual?“

I snorted:

„Come on. Don‘t delude yourself. Besides, it wouldn‘ be fair to you. I can tell you would always want more.“

„Maybe you would want more also once you find out how good it feels.“

I dropped my eyes. I was certain I would, and that‘s exactly the reason I didn‘t want to open this Pandora‘s box. We both sighed, simultaneously, and smirked sadly. I closed the distance between us and took his hands in mine:

„We need to get to work. How about I pop down to the bakery and get something nice for you because I behaved rotten?“

„You? To the bakery?“

„Yes. I can‘t sleep with you, but I will get you a honey bun.“

„Oh Clive“, he smiled wearily. Hugging me, he mumbled: „Sometimes I don‘t know if you are a parody. Or just being yourself.“

„Why, I am completely myself! I think a honey bun sounds not too bad, don‘t you?“

„I‘m just not certain – have you ever been at the baker yourself? I mean, do you know how to behave, what to say…?“ He looked at me mockingly.

„I will manage, don‘t you worry.“

I put my hands around his waist:

„Maurice, thank you for last night. It felt – grand.“

He nodded and added:

„But tell me, is your back really better? You stood so awkward earlier?“

I felt his hand on my lower spine.

„It wasn‘t my back...“ I blinked and averted my gaze. „Rather – something happening in front...“

Maurice snorted, highly amused: 

„And you were afraid I would take advantage of your – situation?“

I grinned and raised an eyebrow.

„You are a parody, in every situation...“, he said.

He looked so adorable and relaxed all of a sudden, I couldn‘t but kiss him. I hadn‘t planned this, but I found myself with my lips on his mouth, accompanied by a strange surprised noise from him. But he kissed me back. We did so much longer than usual. I heard the rain, something clanking in the courtyard, but apart from that: only our ragged breath and smacking sounds, my hands making a strange scratching sound on his silk bathrobe. I gently played with his lips with mine once more before pulling myself away.

„I love you. You know that? I love you so much that I go down to the bakery in the rain for you.“

He smiled.

„Be dressed when I get back. It‘s temptation enough to have you here at all. No need to torture me further.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eyeslikerain.tumblr.com


	2. Circe in your bedroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> „You really are worse than me. The worst Homerian temptation is harmless compared to you.“
> 
> I grinned:
> 
> „Your fault. You started the whole thing, remember?“

Soft morning light shone through the closed curtains. I opened my eyes only briefly: tousled sheets, yellowish, reluctant light near the window, an otherwise dim room. Maurice‘s room. We usually ended up here. Why, I couldn‘t tell, but I had grown to like the place of our first temptative encounters. Maurice… I closed my eyes again, wriggled closer into our pillow and buried my nose into it. Gathering the sheets in my arms, I tried to remember his warm body which felt so good in my arms. The scent of his skin, his heat, his lightly moving muscles. What a delicious creature he was. How much love and loveliness he gave me. I relaxed even more into the cushions and turned half onto my stomach. My whole body felt warm, heavy and satisfied. Every inch of me was filled with bliss and happiness since I had allowed Maurice to show his love in a carnal way. Maurice…

When I came back from the bakery on this remarkable morning four weeks ago, he had overwhelmed me, starting right in the hallway before I even had a chance to bring the honey buns into the kitchen. Just like that. Certain of what he wanted, decided not to wait any longer. I was too surprised to resist, and so we finally ended up in our still warm bed together. Really sleeping together, for the first of numerous other times to come.

I heard Maurice rummage in the bathroom, even humming a bit. He certainly was as happy as I was, especially after last night. Had I known what bliss is possible between two men, I wouldn‘t have fought against it for so long.

The bathroom door opened, and I heard faint steps. Like someone trying to make no noise. Maurice‘s naked, moist feet on the floor produced a distinct sound anyway, even if he tried to be considerate and soft, and I felt a surge of affection flood my inside because of his kindness. I heard the closet door being opened, a garment pulled out softly, his legs apparently stepping into his drawers. I sighed and turned a bit. Looking over my shoulder, I saw him pushing his head through his white undershirt. He pulled it down and murmured:

„You‘re awake?“

I nodded and laid my head back again into the pit in the cushions. The floor creaked slightly when Maurice came up to the bed and the mattress gave in when he sat down next to me. A waft of the lemon soap we had bought in Naples lingered around him. We used it both, but I didn‘t smell it on me any more. Only on him. He leaned in to kiss my naked shoulder, brushing me with his still wet, cold hair. I shivered, but sighed anyway:

„More, please...“

Maurice slowly slipped the sheets off my shoulder, off my torso and, with a delighted, approving sigh, off my hips, stroking me gently all the time. I felt his warm, soft lips on my skin. He kissed my shoulder blades, worked his way down my back and ended with a tender bite in my buttocks, followed by a long, indulgent kiss:

„Don‘t move. I want to look at you while I get dressed.“

I smiled into the pillow and stretched a bit to give him a better view of my backside.

„Good lord, Clive, don‘t tempt me! Just lay as you were!“

I heard him reaching for yesterday‘s shirt on the chair, still crinkling from starch due to our housekeeper‘s meticulous efforts with our laundry. I heard his arms glide into the crisp cotton and knew he would be working on the buttons when he sighed:

„No idea how I ever shall get to work if you look so damn beautiful in the mornings.“

A soft, quick step and I felt his mouth on my shoulder again. I knew he had to leave but I tried it anyway:

„Don‘t go. Make love to me once more.“

I slowly turned and let the covers slip off me deliberately. Maurice, still on his feet and intent on getting away from the bed, groped for his trousers and turned to step into them:

„Can‘t. Hill‘s already suspecting that I got a very demanding mistress. Told me to finally marry her and make her an honourable woman and stop being late for work three times a week.“

I chuckled:

„You certainly look happy and relaxed.“

„So do you, my love.“

He pulled the braces over his shoulders, adjusted the trousers and reached for his waistcoat. After having pulled it on, he sat down once more on the bed. I turned onto my back completely and looked up at him.

„Clive, you are so beautiful. I almost cannot take it.“

Maurice combed my hair out of my forehead, slowly and lovingly, and gazed at me with liquid eyes. He stroked my cheek, my neck with tender fingers and leaned in to kiss my mouth. His lips were cool at first and tasted of minty toothpaste. I sighed when I felt his hand on my chest and stomach and started to bite on his lips softly. He moaned and stopped his hand on my hipbone:

„You are pure temptation. I think I need an apartment of my own if I want to keep my job.“

I smirked and played with his fingers:

„Work is overrated anyway. Just stop going to this dusty office. Let‘s have sex all day long.“

„My goodness, what did I do… Hadn‘t expected you, of all people, would be that wicked.“

„How do you mean, of all people?“

He grinned:

„You know what I mean.“

I raised my eyebrows, decided to leave it at that and moved my hips a bit to give him a better view of what was still hidden under the remaining sheets. He looked into my eyes, amused, and helped the soft cotton to slip off completely. He stopped abruptely, with his hand still on my hip, and took in the sight I offered. I felt his warm eyes on me, shining like the sun. His shoulders dropped a bit and he seemed mesmerized, looking at my middle without a word, as if he saw me for the first time. I searched for his hand and he shot me an amazed gaze, like out of a trance. He took my hand and squeezed it before leaning down. I felt his lips on my cock and jerked up surprised. He smiled at me:

„Look here, I‘d love to have you for breakfast. But I really can‘t today.“ He leaned in once more and kissed me longer, farther down my top. One more kiss, dangerously close to my tip, which made me hungry for more, one on my nipple on the way up, and he slid up to my face again. Stroking my temple, he promised:

„Tonight. All right?“

I moaned and tried to sulk. He smiled:

„You really are worse than me. The worst Homerian temptation is harmless compared to you.“

I grinned:

„Your fault. You started the whole thing, remember?“

I got up into a sitting position and laid my head on his shoulder. He hugged me, trailed his hands on my naked back and kissed my cheek:

„Well, it was worth it. Even if I have a sex monster at home now.“

I slapped him gently and smirked. We kissed once more before I started to gather his waistcoat and search for the first button hole:

„Don‘t forget your promise.“

„I won‘t. Hope I‘ll have a bit of brain left for my job...“


	3. How I love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> About 3% plot - be warned...

When Millie knocked softly on my bedroom door in Penge and entered a few seconds later with my tea tray, I realized Maurice was still with me. One of his arms rested warmly on my chest, one beautiful long leg was bent over one of mine, and I had a hand on his knee. His head was deep in the cushions, golden hair distinctly visible. He stared at me wide-eyed but didn‘t move.

„Good morning, sir“, Millie chirped.

„Morning“, I retorted sleepily, turning a bit to face her.

„Oh!“, she exclaimed surprised while putting down the tray. She must have seen Maurice. He closed his eyes and tried to slip deeper under the covers. I heard a mumbled „Damn“ from the cave he built for himself. Not fully awake myself, I patted his knee to calm him.

„So sorry, sir. I didn‘t know...“

„It‘s all right, Millie. Would you open just one curtain, please.“

She turned to do so and asked almost apologetically:

„Shall I bring Mr Hall‘s tea in here as well?“

„Yes, please do.“ I shifted a bit upwards to flash her a smile. She bowed, returned presently with the other tray and asked:

„Will that be all, sir?“

„Yes, thank you. Tell Simcox I need no assistance with dressing today.“

„Very well, sir.“

 

After she had closed the door behind her, Maurice remained frozen. I squeezed him:

„You can come up. She‘s gone.“

„Damn and blast, Clive, I‘m so sorry. I overslept. Sorry to trouble you.“

„No need to apologize. I loved having you here all night. I love waking up naked with you.“

I kissed my way past his tousled hair and tried to reach the soft skin of his forehead. He sighed and placed a sloppy kiss on my cheek before our lips finally met, warm and drowsy. His fingers played with my back and stroked me. I continued:

„In fact, I was awake somehow before dawn and thought about waking you, but you looked so adorable… slept so sound… I decided we‘d just go for it.“

„But…?“

„Millie? It‘s all right. I had a talk with her after the second – no, wait, the third time this happened?“ Maurice drew me closer to him and sprinkled a row of little kisses on my neck. He continued with my collarbone and let his fingers wander onto my bum while I explained:

„She‘s dreaming of a cottage of her own some day and I told her I would remember her if nothing she sees here ever leaves the house.“

„That‘s blackmail“, Maurice complained.

„No, it isn‘t. Just a perfectly legitimate way to buy some favours. Win – win for all, don‘t you think?“

„So, shall I stop tipping her?“

„You tipped her? Additionally?“

Maurice nodded: „And generously, I‘d say.“

„Well, who‘s blackmailing now...“

He groaned and slipped deeper again. I tousled his hair and asked:

„Don‘t you want any tea?“

„I‘m fagged. Completely.“

„Really? Why?“

„Why?“ His eyes widened and he stared at me in mock accusation. „You know why.“

I smirked. The night had been rather - eventful. And long. I reached around to pour him some tea:

„Here. You earned it.“

He scrambled up to lean on one elbow. Before he took the cup from me, he sloppily kissed my chest. Looking drowsily and unfocussed around the room, he took a sip and sighed. I turned back to him with my own cup and smiled: 

„What‘s the matter? You‘re in a bad mood?“

„No. Just – fagged. And tired of this secrecy.“

„I know. But we are risking a lot already, at least here in Penge. I‘m convinced it stays with Millie, but...“

I leaned down to kiss his nose:

„Come on, there is so much to be happy about. Starting with last night.“ He nodded, handed me his tea cup and lay back again. I took the paper and started to unfold it, brushing his face. He growled, stopped my forearm and bit me. I smiled at him, grasped his fingers and kissed them.

„Do you mind me reading a bit?“

He shook his head and let his hand fall, heavy and limbless like a sleeping dog‘s paw.

„Want a part of it?“

More head shaking, very decidely. He snuggled closer into my bare hip and buried his face against my thigh. One of his hands wandered about my legs until it rested there, warm and heavy. I patted his shoulder:

„Sleep some more, if you like.“

 

All was calm and peaceful in the next twenty minutes. Soft morning light filled my room with the blue-green wallpaper and revealed the advanced state of disarray the bed was in after last night‘s incidents. Maurice‘s breath tickled a bit on my skin. The birds outside sang, a horse neighed. Penge slowly started a new, fresh day. I tried to concentrate on the paper, but images and sensations of last night flashed involuntarily through my mind. It didn‘t help that Maurice‘s hand had started to wander and caress my legs.

„Did I ever tell you that I love your thighs?“, he mumbled against my legs. I almost didn‘t understand him and lifted the sheets a bit to look at his rosy, flushed face. 

„Don‘t distract me, I need to read the paper. The hearing is this morning.“

He looked up: „This justice of peace - thing?“ 

I nodded.

„When?“

„10.30. Plenty of time. Will you come?“

„Don‘t think so.“ He sat up and leaned against the headboard. As he gestured for tea, I let the paper slip on the floor and served him. I turned towards him and kissed his shoulder:

„More awake now?“ He nodded, but let his head sink onto my shoulder anyway. Gracing his hair, I continued:

„I meant to tell you but didn‘t find the right moment – I‘ll be back for lunch, but so will those ghastly Pembertons.“ He sighed. „Mother wants to set me up with one of the daughters.“

„You don‘t need any daughters“, he stated. I kissed his neck:

„You are right, it‘s the last thing on earth I want. But you know I have to marry some day. To keep all this.“

He looked at me wearily. It was not the first time we had this discourse.

„Is your integrity more important to you or material riches?“

„Please. Maurice. Let‘s leave it at that, all right?“

„Sorry. But please stop this nonsense about marriage. It hurts.“

„To my mother, it‘s no nonsense. It‘s what society expects from me.“

Maurice shot me another hurt look. He turned his face away and remained silent.

„I‘m sorry. I know...“ I couldn‘t find words to comfort him, so I kissed him gently on his soft cheek. Unexpectedly, he searched for my lips with his mouth and kissed me, hard and a bit aggressive. I stared at him, taken by surprise. I felt a strange, unknown thrill deep inside me. He held my gaze with a provoking glimmer in his eyes. I drew him to me with my hand on his bare shoulder and kissed him even more violently and long. I felt my fingers claw into his soft flesh and even feared I might leave a mark. We both gasped when we stopped and looked at each other dumbstruck. Some breathless seconds passed – what a strange encounter. We never had kissed like that. I exhaled and kissed him once more, still ardent but more lovingly.

„I love you. You know that. If it weren‘t for all those – circumstances, I‘d never marry. It‘s you I want. I really want you to know that.“

He raised his eyebrows:

„So, why can‘t your sisters produce those desired heirs? Give them the house. It‘s falling down anyway. Free yourself of all this and lead the life you really want to lead.“

„I wouldn‘t mind losing the house. Not at all. I like London better, anyway.“

„Then – just do it.“

I sighed. I hadn‘t planned to get into this again. I shifted out of the sheets, squatted on my heels and faced him. I folded my hands onto my lap:

„Maurice, I still can marry in twenty years. You don‘t have to fear anything now.“

He turned to me, his gaze large and expressive, graced my naked body with his eyes and stated:

„It will hurt as much in twenty years as it hurts now.“

I slid nearer until my legs touched his. He looked at me gravely:

„You see, sometimes it‘s easier to get something than to keep it.“ *

I felt a pang in my stomach:

„Don‘t say that. Please. It pains me also.“

We looked at each other without words. At last, he groped for my hand and played with it:

„I love you. That‘s the problem.“

I leaned in to kiss him:

„That‘s no problem. It‘s the greatest gift to be loved by you.“

I kissed him once more, longer and tenderly. He looked at me and sighed.

 

 

„Listen.“ I stroked his thigh, sliding the sheets away completely.

„Why don‘t we go riding after the beastly lunch? To our tree? We‘ll bring a blanket, and I‘ll tell you there why I love you. Because I do. You know that?“ 

He looked gorgeous, leaning at the headboard, hair floppy over his perfect, muscled torso. I felt something stir inside me. Not in my soul, or not only… Maurice seemed to notice also, because his serious face altered and showed a trace of amused interest. He touched my knee, just my knee, and caused a further twinge in my cock.

„Guess I‘ll bolt that door really quickly, just in case… Excuse me.“ 

I climbed over him. He reached for my bum and managed to touch it lightly before I was out of the bed. Having secured the door, I returned. Maurice still leaned in bed, unmoving but expectant and with a tiny smile on his lips. I searched for the small tin of our special ointment we took on trips and climbed back into bed. After having removed the sheets from him completely, with his willing help, I slowly lowered myself into his lap, straddling his elegant legs with mine. He supported my with his strong hands in my lower back. I played with the tin, wordlessly, turning it like a magician in front of his face, and laid it onto the mattress. He smirked and hugged me closer. His hair tickled my nose when I leaned in to put my hands onto his back. We shifted a bit forward on the bed so that I could cross my legs behind his back. I rocked into him a few times and felt his hands support my buttocks approvingly. Relaxing back into his lap, I looked at him. His eyes were misted and full of desire. Gentle fingers painted spirals on my bum, farther up my back, down my spine again. I shuddered and leaned in closer, getting a look of my more – than – half - hard cock in the process. That matched Maurice‘s awakening lust very nicely. I groaned and started to move my hips again. 

Maurice inhaled audibly near my ear. He cupped my buttocks in his warm hands and accompanied my slight movements. Giving my bum a good squeeze, he asked earnestly:

„You think you can take me once more?“

I looked at him and nodded, flooded with desire and burning. He never ceased to arouse me, no matter how often we had slept together.

„You‘re sure?“ 

His thumbs slipped between my cheeks and stroked me open. I felt a soft brush on my anus. I moaned loudly. He looked straight into my eyes, a bit wickedly, and continued to caress me intimately. I felt his cock raise against mine. Trying not to lose his fingers on my back, I slid forward to give my aching cock a bit of friction against his. He clasped my butt violently and pulled me against himself. Our lips and tongues met, clashed almost. I couldn‘t wait any longer, but I felt Maurice searching for the ointment already and opening it while still licking into my mouth.

„Slow down! Steady on.“

I tried to control my ragged breath and tried to stop the almost involuntary movement of my hips.

„I want to show you how I love you.“

I gasped and clawed into his shoulder.

„Do, but I need you soon. Really soon.“

He raised an eyebrow and lowered his lips on mine again while coating his fingers with the salve. Still kissing me, slowly and languidly, he started to rub the slick ointment around my opening. I felt myself melt almost instantly, obscenely ready for him already. But I tried to enjoy his circular movements, still and much too long only on the outside. His tongue circled in my mouth in the same slow rhythm as his fingers danced on me. I opened my eyes, only to see his closed eyelids. I matched the waves of his strokes with the undulations of my hips until we were in an almost coital rhythm. 

When he groped for the tin again, I dipped my fingers in also and started to slick his fully erect cock. He leaned back shortly and moaned indulgently before going for my bum again. I almost couldn‘t stand the sweet torture any longer and groped his cock rather roughly, gave it some more unneccessary strokes as he had been fully hard all the time already and moaned:

„Please!“

He tried to slow me down:

„I want to enjoy you. Let me feel you...“

„Maurice, please. You kill me. Get in now!“

He chuckled, looked at me, withdrew his hand tantalisingly slow and pushed me gently onto my back. I slid my legs around him and pulled him onto me.

„Get a bit down, here you go.“

Maurice pulled me and himself down on the bed as my head almost hung out of it. Our feet on the pillows, we scrambled up a bit more and kissed. I couldn‘t wait any longer and threw a leg over his shoulder. And like well-trained dancers we slipped intuitively into one of our favourite positions, intimate and familiar as if we had practised for years, not months. I couldn‘t stop myself from moaning loudly when he finally slipped into me. I was almost embarrassed how open and greedy I was. I pulled him into myself and started moving immediately. I felt that he wanted it slower but couldn‘t oblige. Clawing into his back, I drew him into my faster pace. The angle was perfect, always was, when I put just one leg onto his shoulder, and he hit me so deliciously and directly onto that certain spot that I knew I wouldn‘t last long. I looked into his enraptured eyes, took in his wrinkled forehead, his lips pressed together as he tried to match my hungry thrusts. I rose to get closer to him, clawed into him even more. 

„I‘m… Need to...“

He nodded, tried to support my lifted shoulders but let his hands glide back again in order to steady us both. I let myself fall back, lifted my leg even higher in the air to give him more access into me. He moaned, deeply and farther gone than I had expected. I touched myself, gave my aching cock a few hurried strokes while Maurice thrust into me very fast. A giant wave rolled over me and pushed me over the edge. Completely shaken, I felt Maurice shuddering into me almost at the same time. I knew the strange sound when he tried to suppress a grunt. I loved this peculiar sound and almost wanted to start over again only to hear him getting so undone again. He collapsed limbless onto me and, as I was completely relaxed and soft, slid out of me immediately. He shifted on my sweaty chest and rested his head above my pounding heart. I hugged him close and listened to our ragged breaths.

How deeply he touched me. How liberated and free I felt whenever he had shattered my whole being into pieces like that. It seemed to get more intense every time we did it. I couldn‘t believe what I had missed out on.

Maurice sighed. I gently stroked his shoulders. He lifted his head and searched for my eyes, tousled, sweaty and flushed. Slowly, he slid up to my face and kissed me:

„Why were you so wild? I wasn‘t finished yet...“

„You didn‘t finish?“, I asked surprised.

„No, I don‘t mean that.“ His words were a bit blurry and soft. He swallowed. „I wasn‘t finished telling you how much I loved you.“

„Oh.“ I pulled his mouth onto mine for another slow kiss.

„I wanted to show you longer… and deeper...“, he mumbled exhausted.

„Deeper?“, I smirked.

„With – more feeling, I mean. Didn‘t expect you to explode like that.“

„Can‘t help it if you look so breathtaking.“

He sighed and put his head back onto my chest.

„I don‘t mind sequels, though“, I added, stroking the nape of his head. I felt his chuckling more than I heard it, a tiny commotion on my breastbone. 

„Well then...“, he mumbled. „You shall have your sequels.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * one of my favourites and a most mysterious Forster quote - because I don't understand if you can actively do something to keep someone:
> 
> "...though he always got what he wanted he seldom kept it." (The Other Boat, Penguin, Page 224)


	4. Risley rescued

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Needed redemption for Clive... I know he gets less himself with every new chapter, but - well...

When I just got ready for a chamber music concert in Wigmore Hall, the telephone rang. It was Risley, sounding rather strange:

„Durham, sorry to disturb you. I need your help, please.“

„Be quick, Maurice and I are to meet at Wigmore Hall in thirty minutes.“

A heavy sigh. This was unlike Thomas.

„Are you all right? What can I do for you?“

An unusually long silence before I heard some strangled words:

„I‘ve been arrested. I‘m out on bail, but – oh my god, Durham, I don‘t know what to do.“

I had never heard Risley that desperate:

„Good lord, Thomas, what happened?“

Silence again. Most unusual that Thomas ever lost his speech. A heavy inhale, and he continued:

„I feel trapped. It was completely silly, and actually nothing had happened at all… Nothing serious, I mean… I feel trapped. I mean, I didn‘t even know this lad. It‘s most ridiculous...“

„I can‘t follow you. What were you arrested for? In two words?“

„Public indecency.“

„Oh.“ My heart stopped and I felt cold all over. With Risely‘s rather outrageous personality and behaviour, this had been just a matter of time. But I was aghast anyway.

„Where are you now?“

„At home. Alone. I‘m worried they might get me again.“

„They can‘t. You paid bail, didn‘t you?“

„Yes.“

„Nobody will get you now. You‘ll get a formal summons, but it can take days, weeks even. Should the affair go to court at all. We‘ll try to avoid that, of course. I need to know more – I might know just the right defendant for you.“

A relaxed sigh at the other end.

„Clive, I‘m totally shaken. I know you wanted to go to that concert, but – may I come over? I can‘t be on my own tonight.“

„Of course, of course. Come.“

„And the concert?“

„Ditch it. This is more important.“

„You need to get in touch with Hall, though.“

„Oh, damn. Right. You think I can telephone the box office?“

„I don‘t know. I could send my driver over with a message after he drops me at your place.“

„That would be great. Do you want to stay the night?“

The weak „yes, please“ was so unlike Thomas that I really started to worry.

„Pack your stuff and come here.“

„I owe you, Durham.“

„Nonsense.“

 

 

We had just had time to go over the basics – a guardsman apparently had kissed Risley when they got caught, but it was clearly one of the usual set-ups happening in the last months – when we heard a key in the door. Maurice entered the living room with a worried look on his face, without even taking off his coat:

„What happened? Are you all right?“

He took my hand and looked at me with so much love and fear in his eyes that my heart skipped. Dearest.

„I‘m all right, dear, don‘t worry. It‘s Thomas here. He‘s in trouble.“

Maurice‘s shoulders sagged visibly. 

„The driver wouldn‘t tell me more. My goodness, I thought you had fallen ill and called Risley for help!“

„Rather the other way round. Sorry to spoil your concert evening, Hall“, Thomas said.

„That‘s all right. What happened?“

„Ahm“, I cleared my throat, „Thomas came here to seek legal advice.“

„Oh.“ Maurice looked blandly from me to Thomas. „Did I come too early? You want me to leave?“

I looked askingly at Thomas.

„No, of course not. Stay, please. You‘ll hear of my adventures anyway. In the morning papers, I should guess“, Thomas added bitterly.

„We might not be able to avoid that. But I‘d say we have good chances to avoid a big trial. Even if it would be a feast for some of my colleagues. And the press, of course.“

Thomas swallowed.

„For heaven‘s sake, Thomas, what did you do?“ Maurice sat down in one of the armchairs.

Thomas stayed silent, turned his glass of whiskey and finally asked me to explain.

„He got caught kissing a guardsman in public.“ Maurice moaned. „But“ - I continued, looking at him - „we had three incidents like this over the last weeks, always with the same guardsman. Should it be him again, Thomas and the three others have the best chance to get innocent. A colleague of mine is frantic on solving this as one of the victims is his brother. It‘s always the same: upper-class men, public figures, well-known. Tilliard – that‘s the colleague – highly suspects that the guardsman is bought. By some fanatic guardian of high moral standards. You know those ultra-conservative elements who want to set a warning example. Frighten others.“

Maurice raised his eyebrows:

„Did you talk to Tilliard already?“

„Yes, we phoned him. We‘ll meet in the morning. Thomas is out on bail and has to behave tonight. That‘s why I invited him to stay here, if that‘s all right with you?“

„Well, of course. Welcome in our temple of purity“, Maurice chuckled. Risley snorted.

Maurice got up to get himself a drink also. In passing, he laid a hand onto my shoulder and said:

„That‘s what you do at work? Such filthy stuff – sorry, Thomas?“

I laid my hand on his, briefly – how warm and soft it was. I longed to embrace and kiss him but tried to stay calm. I nodded, and he asked:

„Why did you never tell me?“

„I don‘t know. Some things are confidential. And I don‘t want to upset you.“

„But it could explain why you sleep badly some nights.“

„Could.“ I smiled at him conspirationally, thinking of our closeness at night. Risley looked puzzled and shot me a questioning look. Turning to Maurice, he asked:

„You stay here often?“

„Yes, yes. It‘s more convenient than Alfriston Gardens, you know.“

Maurice went to the mantle and poked the fire a bit before returning to his chair.

„I wish I had a friend like you two have“, Thomas remarked. „Even if you worship Plato in your temple of purity here – it‘s better than being alone. It‘s cozy in here, warm, you have someone to talk to...“ 

„Be careful what you wish for. Dirty socks on the bathroom floor are only romantic in the beginning.“ I smirked at Maurice.

„As is fighting over the last drop of milk. Or having a roommate having nightmares“, he chimed in. He looked at me affectionately, though, and with dark, open eyes. I saw one of Maurice‘s attacks of honesty approaching and didn‘t know how to handle it. I wanted to give Thomas hope, a different perspective, but I wasn‘t sure I should do so without talking with Maurice first. I sensed something coming, nevertheless, and tried to shake my head as discreetly as possible at him. Risley noticed it before Maurice and asked amused:

„You two are queer ones. What sort of communication is going on here? Am I de trop?“ 

Maurice raised an eyebrow at me before he reassured Thomas:

„Nothing‘s going on. Just, you now, old-married-couples-habit.“

„I see“, he said, lacing his spidery fingers. „I envy you, anyway.“

I sighed: „Thomas, I‘m sure life holds something else in store for you. Between platonic or marriage. I‘m certain of this.“

„Tell me who lives that way? And is not in gaol?“

Maurice and I exchanged one more glance, but stayed silent. I heard my drumming heart over the soft crackle of the fire. Maurice sighed and got up:

„Sorry, need to get my cigarettes.“

„So, how are my chances?“, Thomas asked.

I got up straighter, relieved we left the thin ice we had been walking on:

„Usually, bad. As you know. Up to twelve weeks plus hard labour, even for just snogging. Depending on who gets the case, of course. But in this case – I might even say you have quite good chances if we manage to turn the tables. We even might be able to prove that you were never interested in men at all.“

Thomas coughed and raised his thin eyebrows in disbelief.

„We need women to testify for your character.“

„Women? In plural?“, he asked increduluosly.

„Yes. Your mother and nanny don‘t count.“

„Oh no“, he moaned.

„Maybe – one of my sisters?“

„You‘ve sisters, Hall?“

Maurice grinned: „Yes, the ones you have known for – about two years? From May Ball? Boating? My birthday parties?“

„Ah, of course, your sisters. Oh god, Clive, I‘m in jail already. I don‘t know any women.“

„Don‘t worry. Tilliard will come up with something, I‘m sure. We‘ll just amplify your role as a model-citizen. Do you do any volunteer work you could show off?“

„What volunteer work?“

I sighed. „Well, I‘d say: don‘t worry too much. I‘ll do my utmost to save you.“

Thomas looked at me, serious and somehow drained:

„I don‘t know how to thank you.“

„It‘s all right. You look fagged. Would you like to go to bed now?“

Thomas nodded.

I looked at Maurice: „Is it all right if Thomas gets my room? Mrs Lemon put fresh sheets on the bed only the other day.“

„Why, yes, of course.“

„But – do you go back to Alfriston Gardens?“, Thomas asked.

„No.“

Thomas looked puzzled: „Clive, you can‘t possibly sleep on the sofa. Let me sleep here. It‘s perfectly all right.“

I shook my head:

„Just take my room. I‘ll sleep with Maurice.“

„But...“

I heard Maurice coming up behind me and felt his hand on my shoulder. He cleared his throat and said softly:

„We usually sleep together.“

Thomas‘s eyes got large:

„But – why?“

I put my hand onto Maurice‘s and looked over my shoulder before I adressed Thomas again:

„Because...“ My words failed me. The tension between us already explained everything. Words were superfluous, actually, but I tried to continue:

„I guess we have what you are longing for. It‘s possible, Thomas. It‘s more fulfilling than anything I had ever imagined.“ Maurice pressed my shoulder before getting onto the sofa next to me. He looked at me affectionately and I needed all my will power not to kiss him in front of Thomas. I laid my hand onto his thigh and said to Thomas:

„Don‘t give up your dreams. But maybe you could be a bit more mindful with whom you get involved.“

He sighed dramatically:

„I thought I‘d get a heart attack in jail earlier this evening. Thanks for giving me the second one.“

I shrugged apologetically. We finally smiled to break the tension. Maurice got up:

„I‘ll just air your room and get some water for you, all right?“

 

 

 

While Thomas was in the bathroom, Maurice and I slumped down again on the sofa. He put his arms around my shoulders and kissed me long and tenderly before saying:

„Wanted to do that for hours. I was so worried something had happened to you. You really gave me a turn!“

I kissed him back before leaning my head onto his shoulder. We looked into the fire.

„Are you comfortable with Risley knowing? He‘s not the most discreet. But in this situation…?“

„It‘s all right.“

Maurice stroked my hair and was silent for a moment.

„Could we go to jail also, Clive? For – just doing what we do now?“

„Yes. Of course.“

He moaned.

„You knew, didn‘t you?“

„Yes. But I didn‘t want to believe it.“

„Well.“

Water running in the bathroom, some burning logs crumbling.

„As long as we confine ourselves to our apartment, we are safe. You know that also. Risley made the mistake to let himself be caught in some alley.“

Maurice sighed while his fingers played with my hair:

„I‘m awfully sorry for him. I mean – sorry he‘s so desperate he has to get mixed up with strangers. I‘m so glad we met in that perfect way we did.“

„It was Risley, actually, who brought us together. Remember?“

„Of course. I‘ll never forget. It was love at first sight when I saw you sitting in his room.“

„Dearest...“, I mumbled before drawing him into a long kiss. We didn‘t hear Thomas coming back into the living room. He stood behind us and coughed:

„Sorry to interrupt. Just wanted to say good night. And – I hate you.“

He smirked at my turned head, but looked even more lugubrious than usually. I felt sorry for him.

„Sweet dreams, you two! And thanks again for everything.“

„Sleep tight!“

 

 

 

Since it was the first time we had a guest for the night at our place, Maurice and I tried to be as noiseless as possible when retiring to bed. We smiled at each other as it had a certain conspirational quality – we got into bed very cautious, trying to avoid creaks from the mattress and raising an eyebrow when it did anyway. We were both modestly clothed in pyjamas, also, which we usually left off. In the light of a little bedside lamp, we lay on our sides, facing each other and embracing lightly. Maurice whispered:

„I wonder if you‘d had helped Thomas one year ago.“

„How do you mean?“

„Difficult to express. I mean, don‘t slap me, but – you changed. I hope you don‘t mind me saying so?“

I looked at him: „Explain.“

He rested his hand deliciously on my hip and closed his eyes shortly while gathering his thoughts:

„You used to be rather… stern. Regarding – you know, giving in to temptation and all that. I just wonder if you had reacted as you did today if you hadn‘t had this experience with me. All that.“ He stroked my hip.

„And that“, I whispered and leaned in to kiss him gently onto his mouth. I pulled away from him and said, equally soft:

„You‘re absolutely right. I was conceited. And frightened. Awfully frightened. You opened my heart. You made me see. Really!“, I calmed down his attempts to protest. „I should have gone through life half awake if you‘d had the decency to leave me alone.“

He pursed his lips. 

„We woke each other.“

I nodded.

„I‘m so glad we finally ditched all this Platonic business.“

He smirked and added:

„And I‘m sure Risley‘s life might be misery and hell now had you not woken up.“

We kissed again. How strange to be in the sanctuary of our very own bedroom and to be mindful not to let it get out of hands anyway! I saw the back of Maurice‘s head and his shoulders in the blue pyjama in the mirror on the cupboard opposite the bed. I stroked his shoulder and mumbled softly:

„Do you remember the day when everything changed? When it rained so hard?“

„Of course.“

„I couldn‘t await you coming home that night. I was burning inside all day...“ I stroked his waist and let my fingers slip under his pyjama.

„I never told you“, Maurice said, „but I was frightened all day long if I would find my packed suitcase in front of your door and the locks changed.“

„What?“ I couldn‘t suppress an audible cry. Maurice patted my shoulder and turned his eyes to the wall behind which Thomas rested. „Why ever?“

„Oh, come on. I mean – remember the way you treated me for years?“

I frowned and tried to sulk. Maurice beamed:

„Yes, you did! I was really afraid I might have frightened you completely by – what I did with you. This morning, back then, in bed...“

„Could you please elaborate on this. Help my memory – what exactly did you do to me?“

„No! Not now! Darling, we decided to be chaste, remember!“

We chuckled. He moved closer and laced one leg over mine.

„No, really. Seriously now. I was prepared to find my stuff and a curt goodbye-note, telling me you emigrated to China or whatever and wished me a happy life. I already trained myself to be grateful I had had at least this one hour in bed with you. I would have expected anything but – you waiting for me in the hallway. Right out of the tub, with nothing under your robe. And your hair still wet at the nape. This was incredibly sexy, did I ever tell you?“ 

Maurice lifted himself a bit to start kissing my neck. I moaned: 

„Not tonight. Come here. Morrie, stop it!“

I giggled because he had touched a very ticklish spot. And he knew exactly what reaction to expect.

„Morrie, enough! Really! Come on, we had decided when brushing our teeth we‘d be really good. For Thomas‘s sake.“ He raised his eyebrows and hovered above me for two or three exciting heartbeats before he let himself fall back beside me. 

„All right.“

I kissed him:

„Promise to behave if I turn off the light?“

He nodded and leaned in for a last kiss before welcome darkness embraced us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, Kimbeen, for letting me borrow Mrs Lemon!
> 
> And lots of thanks to 12XU for confirming that Risley doesn't have a surname anywhere in the book. I settled for Thomas, but that's not canon.
> 
> "I should have gone through life…": chapter 16, page 85


	5. French evenings

The Frenchman from his office with whom Maurice lunched regularly never forgot to bring small culinary treats from Paris: sometimes a chunk of cheese with the accompanying wine, sometimes bread and salted butter, sometimes sweets like today. He had presented Maurice with tender madeleines and lemon verbena tea, suggesting to enjoy those together. I had a private notion he was keen on Maurice. He was too attentive for a business partner. I didn‘t mind as I was certain Maurice only had eyes for me. And I didn‘t mind also to enjoy the occasional foreign luxury. Like this evening – Maurice and I were sitting in our kitchen in companionable after-dinner-peace and slowly savoured the delicate tiny cakes. Two burning candles on the table graced the ceiling with their flickering lights. I had leaned back and raised my stockinged foot onto Maurice‘s lap. He stroked it and I couldn‘t avoid satisfied groans every now and then.

„What, the madeleines or my fingers?“

„Your fingers“, I sighed. „Feels so good.“

He smiled and blew me a kiss through the air across the small table. One candle flickered and we smiled.

„But you can keep your affair with the Frenchman going anyway. Those cakes are heavenly.“

„It‘s not an affair!“, he protested.

I slowly shook my head and raised an eyebrow: „Could be if it were not for me, couldn‘t it?“

„I don‘t know what you mean“, Maurice replied good-humouredly. We had harmless fun picking on each other that way, telling the other in reality how attractive and desirable we found each other.

„Say, couldn‘t we set him up with Risley?“

„With Risley? Clive, I‘m not even sure he‘s interested in men! Guillaume, I mean“, he added smirking.

„Come on, of course he is! I‘ll never forget this dinner when he invited you to his parent‘s place in Normandy. Ignoring me completely. And the way he flirted with you all evening long...“

„He didn‘t flirt“, Maurice smiled.

„Yes, he did.“

„Doesn‘t matter. And you know that.“ He squeezed my foot. I sighed once more and slowly put the other one into his lap also. He welcomed it and gave it a heavenly all-over-stroke before settling on an equally heavenly spot behind my toes.

„We could invite Thomas and ask him if he‘s interested in people from across the channel at all“, he suggested.

„Risley‘s interested in everything having a ...“, I remarked.

„No, I mean – I wouldn‘t want to have Guillaume here. This is our place. And I wouldn‘t want any questions regarding this – domestic, or more than domestic arrangement. Let‘s have Thomas here alone. I think he really could use some company. If he‘s interested, we can all have dinner in a restaurant.“

I nodded and leaned back to indulge more into Maurice‘s touch:

„Sensible as ever.“

„Some more french tea, chéri?“, he asked. I nodded and he poured the steaming light-green tea into our cups. Putting one more madeleine on the rim of my saucer, he gently pushed the cup towards me so I could reach it easier.

„Let‘s ask Thomas for Saturday, shall we?“, I suggested. „And I think it would be great having him here. He‘s still somewhat shaken and avoids going out. We could talk more openly here.“

„Yes, of course. I‘d be glad to distract him. How about we invite your stiff cousin and his fiancée also? Lucy could play for Risley.“

„I‘m sure he would love her playing, but I‘m afraid the piano here is too inferior for her. I‘m sure she wouldn‘t mind playing it, and I‘m sure she would get extraordinary sounds out of it, but – somehow, it would be a waste. Can you understand?“

He shrugged and dipped a madeleine into his tea:

„It‘s all right. I‘m not sure Cecil and Thomas would get along, anyway. You know“ - he looked up with amused eyes - „I can‘t help it but I never bought this engagement – thing. Don‘t you think Cecil is the most inverted one of us?“

I chuckled:

„Certainly. Even more than Thomas, I‘m afraid.“

„Poor Lucy.“

„No“, I said decidedly. Maurice shot me a surprised gaze.

„Just wait. I‘m not at all worried about her. I heard her Beethoven. She knows what she wants and will get it. I guess it‘s all a farce to placate the families. The mothers, or whatever needs placating. It‘s still only an engagement.“

„Well, maybe we should set up Thomas with Cecil?“

I almost snorted my tea through my nose:

„Good lord! They‘d be unbearable together! Just imagine!“

Maurice laughed so hard he almost dropped my feet.

„But, you‘re right, that would be exactly what Cecil needs.“

„Be more specific, please“, Maurice asked with a malicious twinkle in his eyes. „Do tell me, please, what exactly he needs. And – where...“

„Maurice! Naughty boy! No dirty talk until we have solved the question of dinner.“

„Oh.“ All laughter died down at once. Both our eyes moved conscience-stricken to the cooker. We had decided – too long ago already – to finally learn how to cook. Mrs Lemon did so during the week, but we were on our own on weekends. We had managed with the tea water, and Mrs Lemon had taught me how to cook eggs, even do scrambled eggs, which was a most welcome addition to our usual cold meals. But we were intent on learning at least a few basic meals. Maurice had expressed his wish for the occasional soup, which shouldn‘t be too difficult, I guessed. But we still had too much respect and avoided the subject.

„It might be nice to have some soup for Thomas. And then – a cheese platter?“, he suggested.

I bit my lips. We looked at each other, slightly desperate.

„We wanted to go to Hatchard‘s for weeks to get a book on cooking,“ I remarked. „And always something else was more important.“

„Like – getting to your tailor. Getting a pie from Fortnum‘s before they close because we wouldn‘t learn cooking this particular day.“

„Don‘t look at me like that!“, I sulked. „And maybe we shouldn‘t practice on Thomas. He probably won‘t come back, ever!“

Maurice smiled and looked too adorable in the candle light.

„I say, I‘ve a solution! You go to bed with Guillaume, and he will supply us with more than cookies!“

Maurice pushed my feet from his lap and started to get up:

„Are you daft? You‘re selling me for some – strange french food?“

I ducked deeper into my chair as he came nearer and raised my arm in front of my face. He grinned when he hoisted my whole figure from the chair. I didn‘t resist much and allowed him to pin me against the icebox. His smirking face was just inches from my own. I panted, laughed and tried to wriggle in his strong arms, but to no avail. Still grinning, he bent me backwards and tried to bite my throat. The icebox wavered and I almost slid off it:

„Stop it! Stop, please! I won‘t sell you!“

Maurice laughed.

„I want to have you all for myself. I‘d never sell you.“

I pushed him a bit away from me and searched for his eyes:

„I love you. You‘re mine.“

He melted noticeable in my arms and grew softer. His eyes darkened when he replied:

„And you‘re mine.“ 

We moved a bit sidewards to get more comfortable. While we kissed, I guided him gently in front of a dresser and pinned him lovingly and tenderly against it. Our tongues joined while we played with our lips, and all was soft and warm and delicious. When we stopped, reluctantly, to get some air, I brushed his messy hair from his face, kissed him once more and said:

„I‘m going to kiss you. All evening long. And everywhere. I‘m going to kiss every tiny part of you, starting here“ - I gently licked his earlobe and he moaned. „I‘m going to undress you, and then I will kiss every inch I can reach. I‘ll kiss your wrists“ - I grasped one hand and tried to get to the skin under his cufflink - „the underside of your forearm, the inside of your elbow“ - Maurice pursed his lips and looked at me expectantly - „your beautiful arms, your shoulder...“ Our lips met once again, fiercer and more enraptured than before. I grind against his hip a bit while he supported me in the back. „You will just lay there and enjoy. You are not to do anything, and I will kiss you. Everywhere.“ He nodded and kissed my cheek. I went for his lips again before continuing: „And then I want to have you on your stomach and kiss your back. Every inch. Down your spine, your shoulders, your tiny angel‘s wings here“ - I touched him - „ and the hills and valleys of your gorgeous bottom.“ He sighed once more and pressed me tighter into him. „And then, I want you to turn around, and I‘ll kiss your stomach. Your ribs. Your hipbone, which I love so much. As you know.“ One more longs kiss. „And then“ - I let my tongue swirl lasciviously in his mouth - „I will kiss your wonderful cock. Which I love at least as much as your hipbones.“ Maurice breathed harder and looked at me mesmerized. I swallowed. „I‘ll kiss you, and lick you, and suck all of you until you‘re in heaven.“ He nodded. His lips had become much redder than usual. He took my hand and clumsily started to undo my cufflinks. I did the same for him and opened his tie with one finger. We kissed again. He undid my tie and started to unbutton my shirt before my waistcoat. I smiled and guided his hands there, doing the same with his. When our waistcoats hung loose, we slowly unbuttoned each other‘s shirts. He pulled at my undershirt, smoothed his fingers under it and stroked my skin on my belly. I drove one finger under his braces and went all the way up to his shoulder. Locked and intertwined like this, we looked deep into each other‘s eyes. Aroused, but calm because we knew nothing would interfere with our plans. 

„Come“, I said and turned to get the candles. Maurice laid his arms around me from behind and kissed my neck before I was able to lean in to get them. We rested like that for a few seconds. I heard his fastened breath and imagined to feel his beating heart against my back. And I realized: this is true happiness. This. Two empty cups, a plate with one madeleine left, Maurice living with me and embracing me. Not the big things, a career, a wife, a house. This is my life. I couldn‘t wish for more happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this universe, if it was a movie, I should like to have this as a last glimpse of Clive - not standing at the window in Penge after Maurice's revelations, looking melancholy and hurt into the dark with Anne behind him, but seen from outside the kitchen window like they are here, Clive getting the candles, Maurice hugging him from behind, both serene and happy.


End file.
